Studmuffin

"joe" his name is something else , but to me he was always just joe. and i think i might have loved him. he made the butterflies in my tummy flutter and i have yet to find someone else who does it like he did. he was one of my best guy friends. he was amazing. everytime i saw him i just turned scarlet. joe was my high school sweetheart, and although we never went out we never kissed we never did much more than hold hands and walk around school with our arms around our waists i have never had something closer to a boyfriend before are after him. it felt like we were ina relationship, even my mom was like when is he going to ask you out. actually we meet each other's parents. it was weird. he walked me to class i kissed him on the cheek when i passed by his class, i would fix his chin hair/goatee.. on fieldtrips he was my bus buddy and he was the one who stroked my hair and it was I who held his hand so he wouldn't get lost. And to think we started talking because i fell in love with his star backpack! i think senior year i had the courage to say i know you like me you know i want you, let's get together, when he quietly and suddenly moved schools! i was saddended but i put it behind me and to be honest didn't care because during vacation i had a hook up, so i was devoid of emotion but i know that had i seen Joe my kuslapous would have done it's usual flip! but senior went by college began and even now i wouldn't have cared i thought i was done with all of him, but two days ago wiffey found his myspace. and i saw it and yes the kuslapous did a flip, whoever said they can't flip hasn't had it happen.. think of keanu reeves rock hard body!ahhh.. anyway, point is i feel things again, if only i could like project them onto someone else. someone i would/could have a potential relationship with. surprisingly the only guy i like is also named jose (joe's real name) and i nick named him joe.. similarites? that's where they end.. we'll see but i need to not see joe's face it's brutally handsome and it makes me cringe and i can't stop thinking if only!!!! ever had one of those days were your just a complete hot mess?