run down memory lane?

so every spring i feel like i've seen everything before it borders on nostalgia and well it's a very weird feeling it makes me more insightful and as usual makes me think too much..i have a hard time sleeping and i find myself thinking about my past indescretions=]but anyway i always think about stuff that i shouldn't because it makes me sad and nostalgic and it prolongs my procrastination.. every time i know that i hit the month of may i think to myself, why do i think about this? why do i put myself in a position where i think about the could have, the should have, the maybe, the what ifs', all that goes through my mind whenever i don't have something filling the endless train of thought, adn today in english class, listening to my critical thinking teacher dron on and on about the importance of standing your ground i focused at a scar on my hand and i finally figured why i dwell on this nostalgia and why i always think about these things and am unable to let them go. it was around this time that i had my first tour of the male anatomy..it was the first time i had any sort of bodily contact with a boy..
so this is why i dwell on this as the most memorable time of the year, so if i space out or if i look like i am about to cry it's prolly cause i'm thinking about that first time..