blue caslopous

Officially or well not just yet, school will be over. This semster i started with the idea that i would go through without really liking anyone unattainable. however surprise surprise when my high school crush walks in and opps ends up sitting next to me. ha! welcome to my loveless life. i wanted all the rest of the week to say want to go out to a movie or something. especially since there were many good movies to see. but no the coward in me always won and so i always backed off. how ridiculous i mean this guy is cute, and nice and he makes me laugh a lot.. but hot dog i just can't bring myself to say anything. it's like the words get stuck in my mouth. or more specifically they got stuck in my throat and well now i can't tell him what i feel becasue well the time is up and even though we have the internet i'm really not going to ask him anything..
my question is why is it so hard to ask someone out? more importantly how do you get a guy to ask you out? why is it so difficult to get a damn date!!!!! why does it seem so imposible! why!!!
it's easy to get involved in a hook up, but a actual relationship so hard! why????? it bothers me so tremendously, i wish i could just chanel my inner samantha and get things moving!
every one of my girlfriends told me to yes ask him out. but i can't do it.. i'm a coward. my love life might as well not exsist. i mean how absurd were put on this earth to procreate, yet it's the process we take to procreate, that is so complex and intracte filled with guy guessing games, then the way you feel you really have to make sure, i mean if i wrote a list of all the things that i wanted are the potential factor for relationships i would be writing my dissertation. all a girl wants is for a guy that is funny and nice and caring and laughs when you step on his feet and don't even notice and tell you, "you've been steping on my foot for awhile" and while i blushed and completly felt like an ass, i tried my hardest to laugh it off and pay attention to my final, but while he smiled and looked away i couldn't help but get carried away by his good looks especially today where his hair looked like he just rolled out of bed and he obivously didn't have time to shave because he had stubble, and it looks good.. ughh,.. how do u pass a final with that making you laugh? how do you pay attention? is there no end to my humiliation i mean it would be hilarious if accidentally he looked at this blog.. that would be completly humiliating.. ah well i can't wait to get over him, that could be awhile but i wish he would just ask me out already.