stuck in a rut, or roundaabout argument!

As my friends walk out the door i melt, i have a break. I am done. I cry silently for two minutes, i get up go the restroom, brush my hair and, walk to the kitchen. I am the oldest child of two parents who obiviously really need me around. Or so they keep telling me. I'm old enough that they can leave my two younger siblings here so i can take care of them. You see it isn't that i am complaining about taking care of the kids it's that my mother always does it (or it feels like it) to sabatoge me. I know that isn't the case but that's how it feels. I had this saturday all planned out come home and hae a nice fall day with the esniffers. i have no idea what we were going to do but i know that with those two i always have fun. And it dosen't mean that i can't go out with them later, but i hate it that i psyched myself for a good fucking day to have it crumble because my mom decided to take advantage of the fact that i was around to do fucking meaningless errands. what would she have done if i had decided to stay in riverside? what would she have done if when she had gotten home, i had already left and embarked my fabulous day? Then parents wonder why thier children want to leave thier homes so badly. I have been wanting to leave this place for years ever since my older brother moved in and my baby sister arrived and established this rut as her reigning kingdom. Oh but godforbid that i do anything to disagree with them. they threaten to take away my liberty and my privacy. What is it about this roundabaout argument, that has me so pissed, that I AM STUCK TAKING CARE OF KIDS THAT I DIDN'T BIRTH. I don't to sound like i'm whining but why do the oldest get the fuzzy end of the lollipop. i feel like a thirty year old mom that has to stop her life. that has everything that is carrer wise end for her because hs suddenly has two baggage claims.. it's super ridiculous but nobody can understand how it feels like until it is done to you. And i know it's a silly argument. But i can't help feeling dejected, angry, and frustrated all in one. this is one argument i can't win. I am so done with feeling like a mom, and telling these kids what is wrong what is right, so to all of you out there (FattyPatty) that wnat to have kids and are under the age of twnety five don't do it! really dont