Day 18: Disrespecting parents

I don't know if it's because I'm Hispanic but I was taught to respect and slightly fear my parents. The idea of talking back was not an idea it wasn't even a dream. You just didn't do it! It was interesting for me as a child of Salvadorean parents, people who left their country but not their culture, to watch how American culture portrayed their children in television. I could not perceive why they would say "I hate you" that was so not ok. Hate is a strong word, and it hurt MY feelings to even tell my mom "I don't like you right now". The way Hispanic culture is portrayed in Vines by Oscar Miranda and Jay Mendoza and all this Hispanic-american generation has made it seem is pretty accurate. They present the problems growing up Hispanic with an american influence that we can't seem to understand. I do have to be honest I do sometimes yell at my parents and argue with them, but this I have only started to do since I became an adult and somehow the relationship with my parents shifted in a level way. But lets be honest, we all want to smack the little shit who is always being an ass to his parents.

BTW: if you want to see what I was talking about  this is Oscars vine link 

.. he's hilarious and pretty on point https://vine.co/u/961596034138759168

Day 14: something disgusting you do

...I want to say pick my nose, but I don't do it too often, mostly when I feel like I can't breathe so I gotta dig in there...

I got it!

I pop my pimples.. besides the fact that it is horrible for your skin, it's kind of gross, but I hate walking around with that on my face. So I pop pop pop. ... 

Recently the water heater was broken so i did not shower for like three days... that was pretty gross.. but I'm the girl that showers daily 

Day 13: A Date you would love to go on

I don't even know what kind of question this is... I want to say a dinner dancing date, or something but nah. I think I would like to go on a brewery date. Is that a thing? 

Like homeboy will take me to the nearest brewery we'll get the try-all special and once he got me nice and drunk we go back to his or my place and netflix... or dance.... or sleep... let's be honest there will be no smashing. I'm a classy lady lol But that sounds nice, or a brunch by the beach and then walking down the beach, talking getting to know one another without being hustled and bustled about. Those are the only two things I can think off. 

Day 12: Things you would say to your ex.

I don't know if he counts as an ex. We had a relationship but it was mostly friendship with the casual sex thrown in.... but if I were to say something to him it would be.

1. I wish we could be friends 

2. But we can never be friends 

3. The sexual tension is too real.

4. You really shouldn't cheat on anyone

5. You need to stop creeping on my social media

6. please do us all a favor and update your wardrobe to this millenia. 

and lastly (Barbs don't judge me harshly... It's been a while)

7. Fuck me.

Day 11: Your relationship status

Single . As. Fuck.

Forever Alone

.... we're about to get into the nitty gritty peeps prepare yourselves for the ride of a lifetime. Just kidding I'm single, there isn't much to say. I suck at starting relationships because I suck at beliving anyone that has ever told me they like me. I also can't pick up on social cues that someone finds me attractive. How I got laid remains a mystery. I want a boyfriend sometimes..like tonight in 45 degree whether but ... that's tomorrows problem.

 

Day 2: How have you changed in the past two years?

Loaded question. Let's start with stating facts. Two years ago I was 23. Two years ago this time of year I was living with my parents, finishing my requirements at LACC to transfer out of that place. Two years ago, everything was so normal that it almost makes me want to cry, not that I am not appreciate that things have changed and that I am where I am. I have been very blessed, things have gone so beautifully and everything that I have accomplished I have been able to do independently as well as I have proven to myself that I can do things. However I know the issue I'm skirting. This year I lost someone I loved, this year I lost one of the women that helped form me as I grew up. It's hard to exactly pinpoint how much I loved her, perhaps it's one would feel for like an aunt who always had your back or a grandma who would always comfort you mixed with a mother's unconditional love. She was all of that. I have been very fortunate and my mother has been amazing about sharing me with other people. Sandra was my best friends mom. We met a lifetime ago, back when I was 13 and for some unknown reason we began to befriend each other the way only immigrants can. We made a patchwork family, since the ones they loved were in a different country.  We shared holidays, graduations and birthdays together. Those moments of life that you celebrate and mourn, we had our share of exultation and celebration. Whenever we were together which was literally every weekend you could be sure that life was going to get crazy and fun. 2014 started off rough, Sandra was in an accident that we all thought would signal the end of her life. She had a 1% chance of living and I remember praying to God to not take her, to please let her live to see her grandson, which she had been awaiting anxiously for, to see me graduate and to see her daughter come back to Los Angeles. We said a lot of prayers 2014 and my family was very united. We celebrated the births of two little angels and I celebrated my commencement into adulthood. I finally transferred to a University and I now live on my own. During the summer when I moved back home, I got a job and I had a very good GPA. From 2013 to 2104 what I learned was to believe in myself that everything was going to be fine in time. Perhaps I had had to wait for certain things a little bit more but once you start the ball rolling everything just falls in line. I spent my summer of 2014 working and spending time with my loved ones and celebrating my beginning here at UCR. At UCR I learned that as much as I had wanted to be on my own, I missed my best friends and I had separation anxiety from Barbs which was hard to overcome but I'm used to it now. I still miss her but she's always the first person besides my parents that I go see whenever I go home. I had one goal for fall quarter since I felt so alone, make one friend a day. Damn did I fulfill my goal. I'm happy to say that I've not only found my niche but made for myself a little family. This time last year I was finishing my finals for the first quarter here and I was excited to go back home. 2015 found me hoping that things would be different, fuck I didn't know how different. Winter and Spring quarter found me experiencing new things with my roommates and the lovebirds while at home everything was awesome, Jamie, the newest addition to our family was the source of excitement. She had arrived on thanksgiving of the previous year, one day before my birthday! For some unknown reason she brought everyone closer together in away that we had not anticipated before. I could finally connect to my cousin. By the time I realized it was already the end of my first year at UCR. I had applied right before I left to work at Universal and I got the job. Now I had money for summer adventures. That was not like me of the past summers. I had money in my pocket and no school for the first time since I had been 20. I was living the life of an adult without bills. July had one gift to give me. In the first week of July my patchwork family always planned a trip to a little island near the OC called Balboa Island. The beauty of this place is that it is obvies far from the city, its a picturesque little town on the seaside. The kind of town you see in movies when they describe great summers. So every year we go, the kids always have fun, but sometimes the parents can't go and we never get to take a good family photo. This year we all went. Even little baby Jamie. The whole day was one of those days that you look around you and it has a haze. You clearly remember everything that was said, all that you heard, the way everything tasted and most importantly how you felt. I hadn't been able to take a day off since i started work but this happened to be my ONE WEEKEND OFF. All the parents were able to go. With my cousins we swam in the ocean and then biked for hours throughout the entire island while the parentals discussed life, love and us annoying kids. I guess in hindsight it was our way of saying goodbye, our last goodbye to her. She died three weeks after this day. I had only lost Ralfie before this. But this loss hit me in a places I didn't expect. Perhaps it was the way she died. She was brain dead before she actually was pronounced dead. I had never seen my parents cry like that, they were mourning a friend and sister. She was their best friend. My cousin and her sister were distraught, and there was no hope for me to give them, I saw my aunts lose thier best friend the way my parents were. I saw my cousins feel the same helplessness I felt as we all tried to process this in our heads. She was the one who had always made us feel special and united, and we were going to lose her, there would be no stopping this eventuality. It was a hard pill to swallow. August was filled with me growing up and helping to prepare for the burial and viewing something I had learned from Ralife, however it was different because my cousin couldn't cope, as was somewhat expected. Later it was time for my youngest cousin and I to go back to school. My second youngest cousin haad her baby too look after and my cousin was left to put the pieces back together. I came back and here I am, at the end of he year. Sometimes I want to say I became wiser, truth be told, I did learn a lot. I learned I am very much family centered and that I love my friends. I miss those bitches more than they miss me (except for Barbie she is on my level) I can't manage money to well. Life is beautiful no matter how badly you want to just hide under the covers and cry. I guess I tend to be melancholic and nostalgic and it surprises people that know me as all they have seen has been my giddy and upbeat nature. As much as I don't realize it, I'm an optimist, an extrovert and apparently blunt. I am the girl you call to throw a good party or to have a one-on-one deep conversation with. I hate losing my best friends to a boyfriend but I'm not the kind of girl to be really vocal about it, because I've learned that people just have to learn lessons on their own. I guess honestly, in two years, I just became a rough draft of the person I'm going to be for the rest of my life. I will always grow as life is ever changing but there is always room for improvement. I guess this post is also a recap of 2014-2015 now, since there is alot on here. I hope I answered the question.

Day 1: Weird things you do when your alone.

Weird things I do when I'm alone? Oh for sure one of them has to be talking to myself. Like out loud. I am in constant conversation with myself, sometimes I'm relieving moments, mostly embarrassing ones and I facepalm, because I can't with myself and don't quite believe how deep my stupidity can go. Or i'll remember something really funny and start cracking up and then call myself a weirdo. Sometimes I'm creating dialogue for myself like the a narrator in a movie, you know like in The Holiday, when Amanda can hear the internal narrator and she tells him to shut up... something along those lines. Sometimes when I'm mad I yell at whoever i'm mad at and put them in their "place" a.k.a me winning an argument. Sometimes I catch myself behaving like if i'm being constantly watched or recorded, which is even weirder. I think the weirdest part about talking to oneself is when you get caught, I can't tell you how many times my parents have caught me in a debate, lecture, conversation, and storytelling to myself. God bless their souls all they do is laugh and go "we'll leave you to yourself." never have they thought I was crazy.  I've also noticed that when I'm in deep thought while writing I will randomly be grabbing my boobs, like cradling them, its weird and unconscious, but they're there and I guess I don't know what else to do with my hands. Lot of Sometimes in this post, and I think it's because everyday my mood varies. I'm pretty sure there must be some other weird thing I do, but it isn't weird to me so I can't exactly call myself out on it.