Oscar Fashion

My christmas has come everyone. This is what I have been waiting for since the beginning of the year. Oscar night. Today I shall tell you the best and the worst and the why.

Let us start with a winner: 

Octavia Spencer: Let me tell you why she is a best dressed, because she knows how to dress her body, this was perfect and made her look slimmer, he it made her taller and it gave her an elegant air. This was just perfection and I love when a big girl can dress herself, because I'm a big girl and i know that we can dress just as beautifully!

Then there was Jessica Chastain who looked fucking gorgeous in her McQueen gown. I was afraid she'd go safe this night but she surprised me. I like it mainly because for years i have been saying wear black with gold details and of course no one listens to me. but she did and she looked like a princess. Not to mention she has flawless skin and love the color of her hair. 

Lastly is someone who always dresses "hot" for the red carpet, but whom i just don't understand, Gwenyth Paltrow but she did stun me, she wore a cape and it didn't look comical, she wore white and made it look pristine and perfect, i hater her for being so hot! Therefore i love this dress. Oh but not digging the hair. 

Ok here i go for worst dressed, 

Melissa Mccarthy: There is no excuse other than comfort for this dress.. None. This was too big on her, the proportions were all wrong for her body, the flutter sleeves seem like an afterthought, not to mention the heavy jewellery is way to much. I think she is so pretty and that she should fire her backward ass stylist. If i were her i'd take a note from Spencer, accentuate your curves don't hide. Plus it made her look like a rebuffed Dynasty character.

 Berenice Bejo: Girl you from Argentina. You should have way more pride than to wear a bride at the Oscars, oh my goodness, this dress fit her soo bad. It was a size to big, the color washed her out. her makeup was so not done right she looked puffy and acrimoniousness, her posture was abismal her hair was the color of rust and it was braided like a child from the ghetto's it was baddd. she has such a nice body and she is pretty so why did she look like a hot mess. oh yeah black-and-white doesn't translate too well into color. 

Shailene Woodley: I get it the girl wants to wear couture, but dress age appropriately, i know you can. It doesn't mean she has to have a thigh high slit, or that she has to bear all her boobs or back, but to cover up completely is asking for a cloister, further more, i think because she wore it in white it was forgettable, sometimes it feels like she wants to be forgotten. Thirdly she was on my worst dressed twice, this girl needs to fire her stylist and her hair people get her shit together and work it. What the fuck is she thinking. 

SAG Awards Fashion

Sunday was another of Downtown, Los Angeles busy days, with the ceremony of the SAG awards. The awards were ablaze with the rich and the famous who were all trying to get a little piece of the naked male, commonly known as “The Actor”. The Shrine Auditorium where it was held found itself a prime dot in a grid of interconnected traffic  hot spots. But enough of the little traffic rant, here now are the nominees. But first an epilogue.

My dear readers you all know how I obsessed I am with all things Hollywood and its fashion. Well this year’s SAG’s were no exception. Excuse the delay but I had some family matters and didn’t have the available necessities to write this review, but now I do so here goes. My overall verdict of this year’s SAG fashion: bleh. Not too amazing. I think the globes had a better fashion sense. Everything was at a par. Furthermore I saw the Fashion Police show coverage and I think they have put Joan Rivers on some Novocain or given her a lifetime supply of free Botox. Seriously wtf Joan, I like your raunchy cutthroat style and lack of sympathy for the ill-dressed. During the SAG awards I felt she let me down. Joan if you ever read this listen to me, get mean or get lost in your Botox crypt bitch. We don’t mess around! Ok resuming convo the nights best dressed were three:

Viola Davis: the dress was fucking stunning, not only did she win a SAG award but she also won my pick for best dressed, the color made her look (not in a lesbian way) delicious. She is 46 but she looks like she’s late 30’s. And hello boobs!! The dress just fit and hugged in all the right places. Plus the contrast with her skin was magnificent. The makeup was great and the hair was perfection.  Sidenote; she had glowing skin, I think she put on some glitter but instead of looking tacky she looked hot!

Julie Bowen: Girlfriend looked hot! She was wearing a fuschia dress that was just va-vavoom! I loved it and thought that not only was it age appropriate it also strangely made her look a lot younger. The hair matched and so did the make-up which is always a plus. Moreover, she accentuated something underappreciated in Hollywood, her butt! And a very nice long sleek back. Go Julie Bowen, also it isn’t easy to wear the same color as your co-star who is renowned for her bosom and still look better than her. (Sofia Vergara, I talking to you.)

Octavia Spencer: You, homegurl shit in a pie and looks like a bajillion dollars. Let me just tell you that her dress was flawless. The sleeves were proportionate to the rest of the dress and didn’t look matronly at all. The heavy lace didn’t make her look heavier, but the exact opposite making her lighter and statelier. The flowing chiffon was also really pretty to look like coming down the carpet. The color was an even match for her skin tone and it was the first time a woman with curves looked prettier, not only compared to older women or other curvy women but with thin young femmes as well. I thought she was phenomenal! 

The worst of the night are as follows:

Heathr Morris: Girl, I do not know who the fuck you are , but you is an ugly ass dresser. You know when Bai Ling calls you for fashion advice you better steer clear! I have no idea what the fuck this girl thought when she put on this shit but she must have been smoking smoothing good! I hated this dress and the hair was sick, she doesn’t have the softness for it. She could have gone in many different directions, maybe she tried to copy Amber Heard but this was a hot mess. Girl you to young to fuck up, go get changed!

Zoe Saldana: Mira chica, yo se que sos bella pero puta no seas tonta! Girl’s one of my kin, and we are so not known to be fashion rule breakers in a bad way. Look at JLO. Look at Selena Gomez and so on. Hispanics always look good! But she wore something so bad! The tank top underneath looked like she  barley realized her dress was see through and wasn’t wearing a bra and pulled into a target bought the only thing in white and put it on. Then there as the bottom although it looked pretty I couldn’t help but hate the fabric , it looked like white pleather..ewww… she can do better, she must do better.

 The worst dressed award goes too:

Shailene Woodley: Yo Amy, wtf happened? The Descendants and The Secret Life of the American Teenager (SLOAT) star, disappoints! I do not know what it is about her but she cannot stand out in the crowd. She is star potential or not young girls always make a scene but she blends. The Golden Globes dress, although bad color and bad hair was not bad. This was a catastrophe! Plus that hair was so lame, girl try a little bit harder. Wear a pink or wear a deep blue but stay away from this kind of shit. It’s not that her body now looks like she’s 50 but the hair looks like if she had had sex in a car and messed uo her do, so decided on a ponytail. Es muy malo . 

This has been the fashion show for tonight. I shall see you all at the next awards show and to no more bad dresses. Btw honoroable mentions, Angelina Jolie is so hot she should know better than to wear shit like what she wore. Emma Stone, valiant effort change the shoes. Natalie Portman, girl try a wee bit harder and stay away from things that flop.  Oh and LEa Michele is still a bloody idiot this time she wore pointy shoes with a high slit dress. Can anyone say CHUNT! Not to mention the awful posing, total eeks. The End.