2010, the start of a brilliant year!

2010 2010, oh what an amazing January. So i start the year with a lot of adventures under my belt it is February now and tommorrow is Valentine's. I got my computer fixed and i started school. Say hello to the new studious me. However there were some things that transpired that i should inform the audience about. Well in the first week of January Fatty Patty whom i have talked about did something not so nice. in fact the post "i laugh at her lies." is about what she has done. You see for years i thought she was a very good friend of mine. She made me laugh and through many parties was my avid dance partner. However she has shut me out of her life. Cyberly she has deleted me. In church she has ignored me. I am done with this girl i was so overwhelmed when i found out she had deleted me. I didn't know what to think. I asked Nannie, she said why was i surprised, I didn't know how to answer her. But moving on, Januray also became the month that i spent less time at home. I spent two weeks in Clairmont and one er half at Riverside with Nannie. We went out every weekend. Mostly to the Denny's to have late night dinners. We travelled the streets of LA. We drove through Hollywood more times than anybody should. Bertha, went to Berkely i miss her. She made Sundays awesome. Nannie and David are going strong and i can't imagine her with the "F" word even though i was present for a year of it. David might be oblivious to the mainly obvious..(and he calls me ditzy) but he can read Nannie very well and is in touch with her feelings, as corny as it sounds. Fenela, finally came around. Everything is as it should be. Although i am starting to believe that i should reconnect with some of my other friends, i fail to do so. i have also discovered thriough many months of hard intense labor. ok just kidding. that i believe my aunt is having an affair witha married man. i think she believes she is lying to me, but no, i have always said that i am more observant than i seem. In any case, there is more. I found alot about myself, i can't keep a promise to myself, i don't neccessaraily know what i want half the time and lack of food makes me dumb. January was amazing.
Febuary 02/08/10
the first day of school i had
music 101: learning to read music
Eng 206: english literature, romantcism, the victorian age, and englitenment periods.
Eng 204: world literature, volume two
Sociology: because i have too, study of human cultures in groups and such
Math 115: elementary algebra
and last but not least:
Eng 127: creative writing.
i looooove my eng classes.. i swear we eng. majors we move in packs
however i was not to fond of my music class so i dropped it. let me also say that i know at least one person in each of my classes even 127.
i know many in math in sociology and well i even knew people in my music class..
it is going to be a hectic semester but i am willing to make it a damn good one wish me luck .

2009 lessons and messages.

So end of the year rally up. Here is the conclusion that i have come too.. People come, people go. You think that you'll miss them but truly you won't. Only those select few who well, you know will stay for good. Money burns holes in the pockets of hungry teens-soon -to -be adults. Allnighters are fun when you have someone to pillowchat with. Death is not the happiest prospect it plays out to be. School is a commiment no one is willing to make but sorta of forced upon one. Watching movies when it's just you in a movie theater with your best friend is amazing. Road trips are amazing with the right people and the right music. Things happen for a reason, like finally realizing that maybe bald men are worth the look evey now and then. Telling someone that they are annoying and a hindrance to you, is a way of telling them to go fuck themselves. Having no or obsessing over you non exsistent love life is not something you want to do with a box of pasta. Waiting for the change, or for those to change, is not worth it, either you do something about it or let it go. People who usually say i need time to figure things out, it's not you it's me, is baisically saying: i wanna see if i can get better ass, if not hello again. Math is a treasure i need to open, for inside is a key that i need to move on to greener and better pastures, however i lack the correct map. Reading minds is useful when trying to play a practical joke. Or when talking shit in front of people. I can make a nickname about anything that comes my way Squab! A ceartin someone's cat sounds like a bird. Orrr.. People are stupider than you think they are. Compulsive liars hurt the heart. Not everybody likes the boy you date, but they say they will to make you feel special!
The lessons i learned this year were someo that wether i like it or not stay engrained in my mind no matter what i do or where i go. they will make me laugh like an idiot or angry or sad, just plain sad and the sad fact. For i more than anyone on this planet know how lonely you can be, even though you may be in aroom full of people you love. i know more than most, how profoundly sad that people can't see what you see. And lastly only i know how lame it is to always get the fuzzy side of the lollipop. Thank you to all the people that made this an amazing year. Thank you to the people that only had one or two great spurts of ideas but faded out of my life. And a big fuck you to those who stressed me out. Who ruined my day or my week, and to those who i feel bad for, letting you know, i have lost all respect for you, i feel no pity for you, and believe me when i say, i will tear you from limb to limb, if you hurt me or the ones i love.
And lastly a big, big, big thank you to the girl, in a non -sexual way, who has my corazon, Anne,...
the christina to my courtney, lovey because too much shit has happened i just have one question for you: "do you like Pina Coladas?"

Serial Dater

I should be writing my speech on the Salvadorian Civil War, however if I don't write this down i might just not get anything done. So while doing my usual thing and chatting with mah lover and bestie Nannie, i had a revelation of sorts. To understand this revelation you must first understand where i am coming from. This semseter has been both a bitch and super fun! this is prolly the best social semester of my life and yet the one where i got everything but my math in concordance. ok,ok second. Anyways through the ups - and downs of the damn last four months, i have kept a close eye on a boy in my Math class. His name is Andrew i believe, i could be wrong. He is my type, tall but yet short. Dark eyes and dark hair, he looks like a mix of japanese and american parentage. He is very cute and i noticed him because he was dancing in class. Anyways it so happens that today while in class, waiting for our math teacher, this one dude and Andrew are talking about God knows what, when he confesses (in fornt of everyone might i add) that he has never had a girlfriend and what not. that he has never even been on a date. That made my Grinch heart stop and grow a bit. OMWOW i want him. May i have him for Christmas! please with a bow on his.. oh wait going to fast. Anyway my teahcer never showed up so i left . i went to the nearest computer and chatted it to Nannie. Nannie said to go ask him out immediatly, one he had left and two i was not so sure last time i listened to her and fatty patty i got a huge slap in the face..
the dear john letter thing..
so i hesitated, but i really want him .... now for the second guy
Ro is a guy i have known as long as i have known Nannie, which would be around four years. Granted i didn't start liking him till after high school, i couldn't tell you why, he is tall but not too tall, lean and dark hair , dark eyes. yeah i guess he fits my profile.lol. Anyways, he is super shy, or at least until you get to know him better. So time after time i kept feeling girlish around him. And i damn my lack of flirting, because damn it i want him tooo . He himself has never had a girlfriend or a lover nothing, he is like a a blank love page. waiting to be written over.
My point; my type appears to be a guy who hasn't had any experience at all, in the field. i like em' fresh. God i sound like a serial killer/ serial dater?
Now to suck it up and ask one of them out .. prolly not Ro cuz it'd be kinda weird if he said no, 1 and 2 i don't know what to do with him.
As for Andrew he is a complete mystery to me. I'd rather ask him out (cuz i'm a coward )and if he says no we both dissappear. Right?
All i know is that i like 'em both and anything i do at this point is beyond weird...

I laugh at her lies

Ask anyone of the boys i beat up in middle school i was the Queen B. By B i mean Bitch and no I am not ashamed or angry or whatever about being a Bitch. I've grown fond of the nickname. Anyway the thing is, I did get tired of having drama because my bitchy side could not lose an argument (and if so I beat the other person) so I learned to tame my bitch. For a long time she has lain dormant inside of me. I know she is just waiting for an opportunity to pounce and become destructive. So when i found out that one of my so called best friends had been lying to me for months I lost the battle and my inner bitch took control.. I haven't seen this so called friend in a while but when i do it won't be pretty. For you see i'm not the kinda of girl to take peoples shit. I'll warn you once and that's all you'll get and once your on my shit list i will hunt you down.. The worst part is I was acustumed to being made fun of in middle school so I was always ready for a comeback.. i could always burn the other person out. If they called me kirby i would call them (one example of a boy who made fun of me however never took a shower) i said " bitch i may be kirby but u smell like u've never touched shampoo in ur whole entire life, i may be fat but at least i'm not smelly" he lost self -esteem points. i slept like a baby that night. My point is, this girl needs to watch it.. if he keeps lying to me and telling me that she is still dating this one dude i will laugh at her wait till she is hapy in her so called relationship and laugh at her face, she'll ask what's so funny and i'll say "you sad pathetic low-life, u lied to me, expected me to believe you, and i laugh because i know how he truly feels, he hates you.. i laugh at the lies you have to say to make yourself seem like this all important slut, but your nothing more than dirt on my shoe" ... mean, she asked for it..
The bitch is back, with claws out, and she is ready to rip your insides....

stuck in a rut, or roundaabout argument!

As my friends walk out the door i melt, i have a break. I am done. I cry silently for two minutes, i get up go the restroom, brush my hair and, walk to the kitchen. I am the oldest child of two parents who obiviously really need me around. Or so they keep telling me. I'm old enough that they can leave my two younger siblings here so i can take care of them. You see it isn't that i am complaining about taking care of the kids it's that my mother always does it (or it feels like it) to sabatoge me. I know that isn't the case but that's how it feels. I had this saturday all planned out come home and hae a nice fall day with the esniffers. i have no idea what we were going to do but i know that with those two i always have fun. And it dosen't mean that i can't go out with them later, but i hate it that i psyched myself for a good fucking day to have it crumble because my mom decided to take advantage of the fact that i was around to do fucking meaningless errands. what would she have done if i had decided to stay in riverside? what would she have done if when she had gotten home, i had already left and embarked my fabulous day? Then parents wonder why thier children want to leave thier homes so badly. I have been wanting to leave this place for years ever since my older brother moved in and my baby sister arrived and established this rut as her reigning kingdom. Oh but godforbid that i do anything to disagree with them. they threaten to take away my liberty and my privacy. What is it about this roundabaout argument, that has me so pissed, that I AM STUCK TAKING CARE OF KIDS THAT I DIDN'T BIRTH. I don't to sound like i'm whining but why do the oldest get the fuzzy end of the lollipop. i feel like a thirty year old mom that has to stop her life. that has everything that is carrer wise end for her because hs suddenly has two baggage claims.. it's super ridiculous but nobody can understand how it feels like until it is done to you. And i know it's a silly argument. But i can't help feeling dejected, angry, and frustrated all in one. this is one argument i can't win. I am so done with feeling like a mom, and telling these kids what is wrong what is right, so to all of you out there (FattyPatty) that wnat to have kids and are under the age of twnety five don't do it! really dont

the notion i seem to never understand: LOVE

The thought that i have at this moment is that i should really be writing the essay about the epic heroes of the past but honestly i am not going to at least not while i have other thoughts in my head. Mainly the thing thta has been bothering me for the last month practically is my cousin Brneda's toxic relationship with her boyfriend steve. Ask me why i care and the only thing i can say is that i hate to see her so upset. Now wouldi do this for any one of my other friends? The answer is yes. However i hate it that i am telling her things for her own good. i told her fuck this guy, he dosen't understand all the sacrifices you have made for him. And after she broke up with him he got a girlfriend that same day. So tell me why she still loves this fucker. i would understand her more if she had been in this relationship for more than six months but dman it's only been two monts and they are already palnning the years after marriage! is it me or is society pushing us to fall in love. are we so caught up in the thought that to be something wre have to be a "We" . is there no space left for the single girls anymore? Why is it that a single girl has to really think about sleeping around? I have often thouhgt about pretending to be a guy and do what they do, hit on random guys, make promiscious jokes and it all backfires, i am either deemed a horny immature virgin or a easy slut. Why can guys be so open about thier sexual promiscuity without being looked at like a walking biohazard sign?Is there some rule that says that if you sleep around your a slut? if so why are guys rewarderd for thier slutiness and gals punished and made fun of for thier active libidos? Who wrote in permanent marker that to have sex you need to be in a relationship. oh but beware the moment you say u can be promiscious and the be in a situation were it gets thrown in ur face and your trying to make the opposite point. In this world where everyone is cynical and mainly looking out for themselves. where face to face chat exists only when we strive to make it work, how are we to ever know when we have found the one? i have always wondered is thier even a "the one" because it's getting ever harder to find. i would like to believe in this notion of love. i mean i have friends that are so deeply in love you don't realize it until thier breaking down in your arms. On of my close friends Julia fell in love with a guy in eighth grade and they were together fro liek four years. he was like two years older. they broke up two years ago. She called me to hang out last week and she cried for two hours because he sent her a message telling her that he stilled loved her. How do guys do that with just a text message a email a phone call or anything remotly showing that they still think about you break or make ur day. she cried and she kept asking me why it hurt why did she feel the gaping hole in her heart? And i sitting there, was confused. what could i tell her? i've never been in love like that. i told her that it was like a deep wound and that she needed not to pick at it and that she needed to let it heal. A couple days later, this saturday actually i slept pver my cousin's house. she cried for three hours and told me how he(steve) still had her heart and how he left her feeling empty and yada yada yada...this whole idea of love seems corny.. i guess it is corny, and despite what i know these girls are going through (Marie included) i am curious and i want to experience love. but it goes back to the why. this is a rounabout argument that i would love an answer too so if any would could shed light on the subject plez do.. before i make a move

Never Again........

I had the biggest Hangover of my life on Fri/ Sat. For starters i am a heavy drinker and have been so, since i first started in tenth grade, i very much enjoy my liqour. So thurs my godsis comes to pick me up for a sleepover and we were going to watch a couple of scary films and then u know chat and whatever, and we did. Fri she was like "oh let's get tipsy" so me ever being the drunky and the one who never says no said "hell ya" we were on a mission to get swaying before her mom got home like at five. So she calls her friend over and he brings a bottle of Bacardi Puerto Rican Rum, after i specifically tell her that i hate rum. But hey i was desperate to start drinking, plus i didn't pay so who am i to complain. So i began my mission with a cup full of the stuff.. i should have just stopped there in fact i should havee drunk standing up that i way i could have felt it. instead i was watching videos on my friends laptop, i was watching The Lonely Islands videos (so funny). so then they left to go get some weed. When they came back we proceded to smoke it till we couldn't breathe anymore. it was called Train Wreck if u want to know.. i was so high and so drunk aso i thought it would be a great idea to have some more Bacardi and i did a half cup full.. i was so gone.. my godsis said she thought i was dead at some point. i got home and i immediatly threw up. oh man on Sat i had the biggest hangover of my life.. never again will i either mix the two or if i do only in small portions. the excruciating pain and the fact that i sort of had to hide it is to mucch of a volatile formula, not to mention a hassel so once again.. never again