Lesson Learned

Lessons learned are lessons lived. there is so much to say about this year, but some are too long and a wee bit hurtful to talk about. Others remain like flies forever buzzing in my mind. The things that have happened to me this year are unforgettable and some unforgivable, but one moves on. for good or for bad things unravel the way they do, I was caught in a storm of stolen emotions and I knew that I had to let go but didn't know how. Today I finally came to realize somethings. First: things happen the way they do, because sometime one is to busy slumbering in contentedness and you start slowly losing control of who and what you are. Secondly: Time heals all wounds and though you have the scars they are a reminder to be careful for next time. Thirdly: in the end its never about the people who were in your life, or who left your life , or the has beens its about those that you go back to at the end of the day. Fourth: remembering who you are and never forgetting your self is so important. Fifth: Amazing people are just waiting for you to discover them and you cant let what people have done to you get to you. Move it, move it, move it. And lastly Sixth: when you've been wronged, just wait it out and let them tell you what you did wrong and if you can fix it hurrah, if not if no one bothers then hurrah, thats it. I've meet some incredible people these past four months and I owe them my current happiness. So on to next year and see what it brings. Out with the old in with the new=]

Feburary Madness,.. so i start the school year in a flury of anticipation, i know what i am doing, i know what i want and mostly i like how things are going, what could change is my grade in my math class, although improved from the last time i took this stupid math course, it isn't an "A" which is what i freaking want more than anything. i want for myself to be able to pass math and just move on with my life. Now what i have learned for sure about myself this month is that i am not as strong willed as i thought i was and that i can no longer pull an all-nighter i used to be able to stay fully awake and write a paper and still have energy, but now has age interrferred? i can no longer stay awake till two writng a paper? not even a 200 word paper. i worry about myself.

my life now, is a little bit drastic, things are different, of course i still love the same people, but now i also find myself missing them more. i miss Nannie, because we used to see each other every single day of the week, i miss Bertha because sundays i now have nothing to look forward too. i miss Jasmine because although we were on break in our so called marriage. lol annalment? we have re-kindled our romance.lol i miss Fenela i miss her wise counsel and picking that girl at the train station, i miss David and even though he lives close it's still a hassel to go out besides, he makes me miss Nannie even more. oh March the only good thing about you is that by the end my besties will be ever so much closer. i predict that by the end of march i will be a much happier person. March has been hectic. i mean too much for me. i have only just settled into my slow routine class wise. i have been outthere, on the subject. let me just point out that the March 4,2010 education rally was not what i had expected. let me tell you my experience and how profoundly annoyed i was with the whole thing.

so i go to this rally, because it is a class assignment. i wanted to go home and it seemed like a sign from the gods that i should because my professor let us out early. but alas i went to this rally for i had never been in a real rally before. (i know this coming from a perosn that has lived in L.A. her whole life.) Anyway so i go to this rally expecting so much. for starters the train got stuck, they were congested, there was traffic in the underground!!! then we got of ( i was accompanied by two classmates.) there was a fantastic energy in the air, everyone was excited and ready to make this peaceful rally work. well i was marching the street for a good half hour, when me and a classmate decided to investigate this table, for our prospective good interviees. however a tall gentlemen (and that is all i will say about him) started knkocing thier work table because they hada picture of president Obama with a hitler mustache. well he also started hitting people and that was when someone called the cops. Well the cops were doing thier job which was to protect the mases of peaceful ralliers.

2010, the start of a brilliant year!

2010 2010, oh what an amazing January. So i start the year with a lot of adventures under my belt it is February now and tommorrow is Valentine's. I got my computer fixed and i started school. Say hello to the new studious me. However there were some things that transpired that i should inform the audience about. Well in the first week of January Fatty Patty whom i have talked about did something not so nice. in fact the post "i laugh at her lies." is about what she has done. You see for years i thought she was a very good friend of mine. She made me laugh and through many parties was my avid dance partner. However she has shut me out of her life. Cyberly she has deleted me. In church she has ignored me. I am done with this girl i was so overwhelmed when i found out she had deleted me. I didn't know what to think. I asked Nannie, she said why was i surprised, I didn't know how to answer her. But moving on, Januray also became the month that i spent less time at home. I spent two weeks in Clairmont and one er half at Riverside with Nannie. We went out every weekend. Mostly to the Denny's to have late night dinners. We travelled the streets of LA. We drove through Hollywood more times than anybody should. Bertha, went to Berkely i miss her. She made Sundays awesome. Nannie and David are going strong and i can't imagine her with the "F" word even though i was present for a year of it. David might be oblivious to the mainly obvious..(and he calls me ditzy) but he can read Nannie very well and is in touch with her feelings, as corny as it sounds. Fenela, finally came around. Everything is as it should be. Although i am starting to believe that i should reconnect with some of my other friends, i fail to do so. i have also discovered thriough many months of hard intense labor. ok just kidding. that i believe my aunt is having an affair witha married man. i think she believes she is lying to me, but no, i have always said that i am more observant than i seem. In any case, there is more. I found alot about myself, i can't keep a promise to myself, i don't neccessaraily know what i want half the time and lack of food makes me dumb. January was amazing.
Febuary 02/08/10
the first day of school i had
music 101: learning to read music
Eng 206: english literature, romantcism, the victorian age, and englitenment periods.
Eng 204: world literature, volume two
Sociology: because i have too, study of human cultures in groups and such
Math 115: elementary algebra
and last but not least:
Eng 127: creative writing.
i looooove my eng classes.. i swear we eng. majors we move in packs
however i was not to fond of my music class so i dropped it. let me also say that i know at least one person in each of my classes even 127.
i know many in math in sociology and well i even knew people in my music class..
it is going to be a hectic semester but i am willing to make it a damn good one wish me luck .

2009 lessons and messages.

So end of the year rally up. Here is the conclusion that i have come too.. People come, people go. You think that you'll miss them but truly you won't. Only those select few who well, you know will stay for good. Money burns holes in the pockets of hungry teens-soon -to -be adults. Allnighters are fun when you have someone to pillowchat with. Death is not the happiest prospect it plays out to be. School is a commiment no one is willing to make but sorta of forced upon one. Watching movies when it's just you in a movie theater with your best friend is amazing. Road trips are amazing with the right people and the right music. Things happen for a reason, like finally realizing that maybe bald men are worth the look evey now and then. Telling someone that they are annoying and a hindrance to you, is a way of telling them to go fuck themselves. Having no or obsessing over you non exsistent love life is not something you want to do with a box of pasta. Waiting for the change, or for those to change, is not worth it, either you do something about it or let it go. People who usually say i need time to figure things out, it's not you it's me, is baisically saying: i wanna see if i can get better ass, if not hello again. Math is a treasure i need to open, for inside is a key that i need to move on to greener and better pastures, however i lack the correct map. Reading minds is useful when trying to play a practical joke. Or when talking shit in front of people. I can make a nickname about anything that comes my way Squab! A ceartin someone's cat sounds like a bird. Orrr.. People are stupider than you think they are. Compulsive liars hurt the heart. Not everybody likes the boy you date, but they say they will to make you feel special!
The lessons i learned this year were someo that wether i like it or not stay engrained in my mind no matter what i do or where i go. they will make me laugh like an idiot or angry or sad, just plain sad and the sad fact. For i more than anyone on this planet know how lonely you can be, even though you may be in aroom full of people you love. i know more than most, how profoundly sad that people can't see what you see. And lastly only i know how lame it is to always get the fuzzy side of the lollipop. Thank you to all the people that made this an amazing year. Thank you to the people that only had one or two great spurts of ideas but faded out of my life. And a big fuck you to those who stressed me out. Who ruined my day or my week, and to those who i feel bad for, letting you know, i have lost all respect for you, i feel no pity for you, and believe me when i say, i will tear you from limb to limb, if you hurt me or the ones i love.
And lastly a big, big, big thank you to the girl, in a non -sexual way, who has my corazon, Anne,...
the christina to my courtney, lovey because too much shit has happened i just have one question for you: "do you like Pina Coladas?"

Serial Dater

I should be writing my speech on the Salvadorian Civil War, however if I don't write this down i might just not get anything done. So while doing my usual thing and chatting with mah lover and bestie Nannie, i had a revelation of sorts. To understand this revelation you must first understand where i am coming from. This semseter has been both a bitch and super fun! this is prolly the best social semester of my life and yet the one where i got everything but my math in concordance. ok,ok second. Anyways through the ups - and downs of the damn last four months, i have kept a close eye on a boy in my Math class. His name is Andrew i believe, i could be wrong. He is my type, tall but yet short. Dark eyes and dark hair, he looks like a mix of japanese and american parentage. He is very cute and i noticed him because he was dancing in class. Anyways it so happens that today while in class, waiting for our math teacher, this one dude and Andrew are talking about God knows what, when he confesses (in fornt of everyone might i add) that he has never had a girlfriend and what not. that he has never even been on a date. That made my Grinch heart stop and grow a bit. OMWOW i want him. May i have him for Christmas! please with a bow on his.. oh wait going to fast. Anyway my teahcer never showed up so i left . i went to the nearest computer and chatted it to Nannie. Nannie said to go ask him out immediatly, one he had left and two i was not so sure last time i listened to her and fatty patty i got a huge slap in the face..
the dear john letter thing..
so i hesitated, but i really want him .... now for the second guy
Ro is a guy i have known as long as i have known Nannie, which would be around four years. Granted i didn't start liking him till after high school, i couldn't tell you why, he is tall but not too tall, lean and dark hair , dark eyes. yeah i guess he fits my profile.lol. Anyways, he is super shy, or at least until you get to know him better. So time after time i kept feeling girlish around him. And i damn my lack of flirting, because damn it i want him tooo . He himself has never had a girlfriend or a lover nothing, he is like a a blank love page. waiting to be written over.
My point; my type appears to be a guy who hasn't had any experience at all, in the field. i like em' fresh. God i sound like a serial killer/ serial dater?
Now to suck it up and ask one of them out .. prolly not Ro cuz it'd be kinda weird if he said no, 1 and 2 i don't know what to do with him.
As for Andrew he is a complete mystery to me. I'd rather ask him out (cuz i'm a coward )and if he says no we both dissappear. Right?
All i know is that i like 'em both and anything i do at this point is beyond weird...

I laugh at her lies

Ask anyone of the boys i beat up in middle school i was the Queen B. By B i mean Bitch and no I am not ashamed or angry or whatever about being a Bitch. I've grown fond of the nickname. Anyway the thing is, I did get tired of having drama because my bitchy side could not lose an argument (and if so I beat the other person) so I learned to tame my bitch. For a long time she has lain dormant inside of me. I know she is just waiting for an opportunity to pounce and become destructive. So when i found out that one of my so called best friends had been lying to me for months I lost the battle and my inner bitch took control.. I haven't seen this so called friend in a while but when i do it won't be pretty. For you see i'm not the kinda of girl to take peoples shit. I'll warn you once and that's all you'll get and once your on my shit list i will hunt you down.. The worst part is I was acustumed to being made fun of in middle school so I was always ready for a comeback.. i could always burn the other person out. If they called me kirby i would call them (one example of a boy who made fun of me however never took a shower) i said " bitch i may be kirby but u smell like u've never touched shampoo in ur whole entire life, i may be fat but at least i'm not smelly" he lost self -esteem points. i slept like a baby that night. My point is, this girl needs to watch it.. if he keeps lying to me and telling me that she is still dating this one dude i will laugh at her wait till she is hapy in her so called relationship and laugh at her face, she'll ask what's so funny and i'll say "you sad pathetic low-life, u lied to me, expected me to believe you, and i laugh because i know how he truly feels, he hates you.. i laugh at the lies you have to say to make yourself seem like this all important slut, but your nothing more than dirt on my shoe" ... mean, she asked for it..
The bitch is back, with claws out, and she is ready to rip your insides....

stuck in a rut, or roundaabout argument!

As my friends walk out the door i melt, i have a break. I am done. I cry silently for two minutes, i get up go the restroom, brush my hair and, walk to the kitchen. I am the oldest child of two parents who obiviously really need me around. Or so they keep telling me. I'm old enough that they can leave my two younger siblings here so i can take care of them. You see it isn't that i am complaining about taking care of the kids it's that my mother always does it (or it feels like it) to sabatoge me. I know that isn't the case but that's how it feels. I had this saturday all planned out come home and hae a nice fall day with the esniffers. i have no idea what we were going to do but i know that with those two i always have fun. And it dosen't mean that i can't go out with them later, but i hate it that i psyched myself for a good fucking day to have it crumble because my mom decided to take advantage of the fact that i was around to do fucking meaningless errands. what would she have done if i had decided to stay in riverside? what would she have done if when she had gotten home, i had already left and embarked my fabulous day? Then parents wonder why thier children want to leave thier homes so badly. I have been wanting to leave this place for years ever since my older brother moved in and my baby sister arrived and established this rut as her reigning kingdom. Oh but godforbid that i do anything to disagree with them. they threaten to take away my liberty and my privacy. What is it about this roundabaout argument, that has me so pissed, that I AM STUCK TAKING CARE OF KIDS THAT I DIDN'T BIRTH. I don't to sound like i'm whining but why do the oldest get the fuzzy end of the lollipop. i feel like a thirty year old mom that has to stop her life. that has everything that is carrer wise end for her because hs suddenly has two baggage claims.. it's super ridiculous but nobody can understand how it feels like until it is done to you. And i know it's a silly argument. But i can't help feeling dejected, angry, and frustrated all in one. this is one argument i can't win. I am so done with feeling like a mom, and telling these kids what is wrong what is right, so to all of you out there (FattyPatty) that wnat to have kids and are under the age of twnety five don't do it! really dont