the day it rained in summer

because i was thinking of HIM and it was raining, and i need closure
It's raining and I think of you,
those times when we would sit and wonder
what am i to
can i not ponder?
what the present, the future would be like
without the past that seperated us?
maybe i am to blame for your deep dislike
of me, of who i am and wat became of this lust
But i took no for an answer, I never chased you down
I thought you foolish, stupid and beneath me
maybe i should wear the crown
of smiling fools, and maybe i pretend to be
someone that won't miss you
but when it rains and its not december
without you
there is no memory worth to remember.

French Class

Picture me as David Sedaris. Once when i was a young fair maiden of 18 i took a english class and we read a piece by Sedaris titled "Me talk pretty one day". The piece was about his experience in a French class where the teacher was verbally abusing them in French, and how through all of the verbal abuse he finally came to understand the language. Amidst all this he was comforted all year by his friends in the class even though neither of them spoke the same language and so consoled themselves in broken french. Well this has been my French semester, i took the class as a second stab at the language trying to get over the trauma of taking a quacking bitch in high school, (i swear she quacked) anyway the class is so fantastic. My teacher,for reference, does not verbally abuse any of us, in fact she makes the class a very nice enviorment and she promotes a unity of sorts, its sort of the english niche but created in one semester as opposed to two years of taking the same classes. Well what can i say except i had never known the beauty of having a class i look forward to going to everyday, the language is beautiful and low and behold i understand it. however its more than that, its being able to socialize and communicate somewhat and then laugh at our half assed attempts. you get to know people after seeing them four days a week, and i feel like i fit. its a wonderful learning enviorment i wish would be like math but alas, there are only so many good things right?

my archangels

can i just say short post and a toast to my fabulous friends:
Jasmine a.k.a Wifey: my dear who makes me waffles, hears me out and reminds me that there is true friendship, baby i'm yours forever=]
Barbie: barbarella to my shtrudel! my liteary critic i owe my future success to you=] thanks for picking up the fallen bits of me and gluing me together with the pinky raised
Faika: the best person on this planet, dude fuck what anyone thinks, let me remind you, your the best that ever lived.
and lastly to Joana who will probably never read this but who i owe my sanity too! joana if you someday read this, i could never live far away from you, it would suck! my existence would suck!
and too Bertha: you opened my eyes and love me and what i represent ur more than a friend your family
thank you and have a nice day =]

Lesson Learned

Lessons learned are lessons lived. there is so much to say about this year, but some are too long and a wee bit hurtful to talk about. Others remain like flies forever buzzing in my mind. The things that have happened to me this year are unforgettable and some unforgivable, but one moves on. for good or for bad things unravel the way they do, I was caught in a storm of stolen emotions and I knew that I had to let go but didn't know how. Today I finally came to realize somethings. First: things happen the way they do, because sometime one is to busy slumbering in contentedness and you start slowly losing control of who and what you are. Secondly: Time heals all wounds and though you have the scars they are a reminder to be careful for next time. Thirdly: in the end its never about the people who were in your life, or who left your life , or the has beens its about those that you go back to at the end of the day. Fourth: remembering who you are and never forgetting your self is so important. Fifth: Amazing people are just waiting for you to discover them and you cant let what people have done to you get to you. Move it, move it, move it. And lastly Sixth: when you've been wronged, just wait it out and let them tell you what you did wrong and if you can fix it hurrah, if not if no one bothers then hurrah, thats it. I've meet some incredible people these past four months and I owe them my current happiness. So on to next year and see what it brings. Out with the old in with the new=]

Feburary Madness,.. so i start the school year in a flury of anticipation, i know what i am doing, i know what i want and mostly i like how things are going, what could change is my grade in my math class, although improved from the last time i took this stupid math course, it isn't an "A" which is what i freaking want more than anything. i want for myself to be able to pass math and just move on with my life. Now what i have learned for sure about myself this month is that i am not as strong willed as i thought i was and that i can no longer pull an all-nighter i used to be able to stay fully awake and write a paper and still have energy, but now has age interrferred? i can no longer stay awake till two writng a paper? not even a 200 word paper. i worry about myself.

my life now, is a little bit drastic, things are different, of course i still love the same people, but now i also find myself missing them more. i miss Nannie, because we used to see each other every single day of the week, i miss Bertha because sundays i now have nothing to look forward too. i miss Jasmine because although we were on break in our so called marriage. lol annalment? we have re-kindled our romance.lol i miss Fenela i miss her wise counsel and picking that girl at the train station, i miss David and even though he lives close it's still a hassel to go out besides, he makes me miss Nannie even more. oh March the only good thing about you is that by the end my besties will be ever so much closer. i predict that by the end of march i will be a much happier person. March has been hectic. i mean too much for me. i have only just settled into my slow routine class wise. i have been outthere, on the subject. let me just point out that the March 4,2010 education rally was not what i had expected. let me tell you my experience and how profoundly annoyed i was with the whole thing.

so i go to this rally, because it is a class assignment. i wanted to go home and it seemed like a sign from the gods that i should because my professor let us out early. but alas i went to this rally for i had never been in a real rally before. (i know this coming from a perosn that has lived in L.A. her whole life.) Anyway so i go to this rally expecting so much. for starters the train got stuck, they were congested, there was traffic in the underground!!! then we got of ( i was accompanied by two classmates.) there was a fantastic energy in the air, everyone was excited and ready to make this peaceful rally work. well i was marching the street for a good half hour, when me and a classmate decided to investigate this table, for our prospective good interviees. however a tall gentlemen (and that is all i will say about him) started knkocing thier work table because they hada picture of president Obama with a hitler mustache. well he also started hitting people and that was when someone called the cops. Well the cops were doing thier job which was to protect the mases of peaceful ralliers.

2010, the start of a brilliant year!

2010 2010, oh what an amazing January. So i start the year with a lot of adventures under my belt it is February now and tommorrow is Valentine's. I got my computer fixed and i started school. Say hello to the new studious me. However there were some things that transpired that i should inform the audience about. Well in the first week of January Fatty Patty whom i have talked about did something not so nice. in fact the post "i laugh at her lies." is about what she has done. You see for years i thought she was a very good friend of mine. She made me laugh and through many parties was my avid dance partner. However she has shut me out of her life. Cyberly she has deleted me. In church she has ignored me. I am done with this girl i was so overwhelmed when i found out she had deleted me. I didn't know what to think. I asked Nannie, she said why was i surprised, I didn't know how to answer her. But moving on, Januray also became the month that i spent less time at home. I spent two weeks in Clairmont and one er half at Riverside with Nannie. We went out every weekend. Mostly to the Denny's to have late night dinners. We travelled the streets of LA. We drove through Hollywood more times than anybody should. Bertha, went to Berkely i miss her. She made Sundays awesome. Nannie and David are going strong and i can't imagine her with the "F" word even though i was present for a year of it. David might be oblivious to the mainly obvious..(and he calls me ditzy) but he can read Nannie very well and is in touch with her feelings, as corny as it sounds. Fenela, finally came around. Everything is as it should be. Although i am starting to believe that i should reconnect with some of my other friends, i fail to do so. i have also discovered thriough many months of hard intense labor. ok just kidding. that i believe my aunt is having an affair witha married man. i think she believes she is lying to me, but no, i have always said that i am more observant than i seem. In any case, there is more. I found alot about myself, i can't keep a promise to myself, i don't neccessaraily know what i want half the time and lack of food makes me dumb. January was amazing.
Febuary 02/08/10
the first day of school i had
music 101: learning to read music
Eng 206: english literature, romantcism, the victorian age, and englitenment periods.
Eng 204: world literature, volume two
Sociology: because i have too, study of human cultures in groups and such
Math 115: elementary algebra
and last but not least:
Eng 127: creative writing.
i looooove my eng classes.. i swear we eng. majors we move in packs
however i was not to fond of my music class so i dropped it. let me also say that i know at least one person in each of my classes even 127.
i know many in math in sociology and well i even knew people in my music class..
it is going to be a hectic semester but i am willing to make it a damn good one wish me luck .

2009 lessons and messages.

So end of the year rally up. Here is the conclusion that i have come too.. People come, people go. You think that you'll miss them but truly you won't. Only those select few who well, you know will stay for good. Money burns holes in the pockets of hungry teens-soon -to -be adults. Allnighters are fun when you have someone to pillowchat with. Death is not the happiest prospect it plays out to be. School is a commiment no one is willing to make but sorta of forced upon one. Watching movies when it's just you in a movie theater with your best friend is amazing. Road trips are amazing with the right people and the right music. Things happen for a reason, like finally realizing that maybe bald men are worth the look evey now and then. Telling someone that they are annoying and a hindrance to you, is a way of telling them to go fuck themselves. Having no or obsessing over you non exsistent love life is not something you want to do with a box of pasta. Waiting for the change, or for those to change, is not worth it, either you do something about it or let it go. People who usually say i need time to figure things out, it's not you it's me, is baisically saying: i wanna see if i can get better ass, if not hello again. Math is a treasure i need to open, for inside is a key that i need to move on to greener and better pastures, however i lack the correct map. Reading minds is useful when trying to play a practical joke. Or when talking shit in front of people. I can make a nickname about anything that comes my way Squab! A ceartin someone's cat sounds like a bird. Orrr.. People are stupider than you think they are. Compulsive liars hurt the heart. Not everybody likes the boy you date, but they say they will to make you feel special!
The lessons i learned this year were someo that wether i like it or not stay engrained in my mind no matter what i do or where i go. they will make me laugh like an idiot or angry or sad, just plain sad and the sad fact. For i more than anyone on this planet know how lonely you can be, even though you may be in aroom full of people you love. i know more than most, how profoundly sad that people can't see what you see. And lastly only i know how lame it is to always get the fuzzy side of the lollipop. Thank you to all the people that made this an amazing year. Thank you to the people that only had one or two great spurts of ideas but faded out of my life. And a big fuck you to those who stressed me out. Who ruined my day or my week, and to those who i feel bad for, letting you know, i have lost all respect for you, i feel no pity for you, and believe me when i say, i will tear you from limb to limb, if you hurt me or the ones i love.
And lastly a big, big, big thank you to the girl, in a non -sexual way, who has my corazon, Anne,...
the christina to my courtney, lovey because too much shit has happened i just have one question for you: "do you like Pina Coladas?"