Machete Kills

So I saw the trailer for this movie and I just could not help wanting to watch it. I knew it was going to be terrible the minute I heard the name of the main character. Machete is a character I have come to know very well. What with him being the cool outcasted uncle in the very popular children's "Spy Kids" series. Now let me say this first; robert Rodriguez always has a hispanic cast and he is like Adam Sandler or Judd Apatow you already know who his main and co-starring characters will be. In the Machete series he baisically takes this already established character and amps his violent streak to a 10. Now I haven't seen the first one, at least not all of it. However I saw enough to understand that he is a mercenary on the hunt fro something and justice for Mexico or whatever and Michelle Rodriguez comes in and kicks as and Juny Cortez is also there as a cholo and Machete is Machete with Cheech Marin as his priestly brother. Jessica Alba is the law abiding princess who steals his heart.
In this new Machete, which by the way opes with a teaser for the next installment of Machete, aka Machete Kills Again in Space( that I will go watch for the funny Space Wars spoof and mostly for laughs) and proceeds to the very first killing. I guess I won't spoil and tell you what is Machete's driving froce behind his killing streak. I will however say that it was FUNNY!  I swear I almost peed in my seat laughing! I don't know if it was because the Mexicans next to me were cheering him on (as if he could or would listen) or because I just couldn't handle the ridiculousness that is the whole entire movie. On a sidenote Sofia Vergara can do creepy very well, its that damn gigantic mouth of hers. Oh and Amber Heard plays a good bitch. I say watch it if your not going to take it seriously. If you are your going to be dissapointed .

Let's see what I can find to bitch about

Barbie and I are both taking math classes this summer, her because she wants to get it out of the way. I'm taking math in the summer because I'm dumb and didn't pass last semester's class. Anyway my class is way less intense than hers and so I therefore have no reason to study and now I'm here doing absolutely nothing.
So I decided to bitch about random shit.

Bruno Mars: Unorthdox Jukebox

I really, really love this album. I can't even begin to explain how much. Personally before this came out, I didn't care much for Bruno Mars. That song "Grenade" and "Just the way your are" kind of wore me out. I kept thinking he was just a sweet guy who was singing about lost love or whatnot and I'm just not that romantic. In the second album we hear a more racy side to him. Even though "Locked out of heaven" and "When I was your man" are kind of lovey dovey they have this simpleness that I love. As of now my favortie songs on this album are "Treasure" a sort of throwback to the Jackson 5 with a little edge and "Natalie" a song about a bitch he's gonna kill with a pretty awesome hook. I'm also kind of obsessed with "Money make her smile", it just has a really funky beat you just want to get crazy with.  Bruno Mars clearly can sing and in this album he's rowdy and fun and dirty and raunchy. If you like the Jackson Five and reggae, simple pop and good beats you'll like this album and then like me dance up the hill to "Treasure", pulling a Cameron Diaz in "The Sweetest Thing"

Movie time:

This movie I wanted to watch all week, my sister and I have been into the monster thing lately and are currently obsessed with having a scary monster movie marathon. Dracula was the only one we could find at the local library but it came with the pleasent surprise of four extra movies. It was "The Son of Dracula", "The Daughter of Dracula" "Dracula :The spanish version" and "House of Dracula" which the latter is a sequel to the movie "House of Frankenstein". So I popped it in after I had come home from school and had just had a big lunch, I'm talking mashed potatoes and a cheese stick(ok it wasn't that big but it felt like it at the moment). I saw up until the part where they find Lawerence Talbot, who incidentally is one of the main character of Anne Rices's "The Tale of the Body Thief" David Talbot. I thought that was fun fact whether it be true or not. But anyway after that I might have fallen asleep missing out most of the film and too sleepy top rewatch it afterwards. What I saw of it I can say that it was kind of creepy and that the nurse Miliza played by the beautiful Martha O'Driscoll scared me as I thought it was Carla Gugino (Sally Jupiter Sr. in watchmen? Mother of the two kids in Spy Kids?)   It was like Hollywood Doppleganger moment...

Carla Gugino                                                                              Martha O'Driscoll



 Eerily similar right!!!!

Bookworm alert:

At the beginning of the semester I ventured to the school's library on the lookout for a bibliography on one of my favorite writers, Antoine St. Expuery. I ventured into the Fiction section, because I just can't resist and found myself face to face with a tiny little book called "Einstein's Dreams", I have this thing with tiny books where I will read them just because of their size, because they are soo diminutive in stature that whether they are thick or thin I must read it. Anyway it was only 175 pgs I knew it would be a fast read. I read this book in two hours and am forever changed by it. Lightman has studied Einstein's theory of time and when he puts it into what I would refer too as a painting a picture it's just mind blowing. The one that catches me the most was the little vignette of the people who live in their past forever and therefore never give themselves a chance to move forward and be happy. A man who was a star athlete in his youth relives his past by keeping all his trophies on display and retelling his stories of glory and a lonely spinster refuses to move on with her life after her only love has gone. I was just so electrified by this vignette because it is a path so easily taken by people. Even I at my young age sometimes revisit the past, even though I tend to prefer to live in the present. There are a lot of insightful little tidbits that just make you want to shake and motorboat your lips because you can feel yourself becoming the person in that vignette. Also I've always imagined/ believed that all of my decisions were turned into consequences in a different dimension, for example in this world today I had chips and a soda for lunch, in another world I would have decided to go home instead of waiting for this *points to the left* one to finish her hw and then go buy shampoo. And then have this mean lady sit next to me and inquire what the fuck it is I am doing. And in another world a different me, a very rude me, would tell this bitch to "fuck off". But then you'd be reading or perhaps not reading her blog and not mine.

Miley Cyrus being a HO:

Then theres this Miley Cyrus video I watched out curiosity "We Can't Stop" it's her singing and announcing in a pretty fucking annoying way that she is at 20 finally liberating herself from her parents and the world, she has become fucking emancipated everyone lets rejoice and smoke and play in pools and eat bread and twerk as we wear gold grills. She is just so fucking stupid! I watched this video and couldn't really comprehend what her message was, "I'm 20 years old, a millionaire and I have an obsession with my vagina, or anything sexual for that matter. I put a lot of white bread in my videos but its not like I even eat bread because I am ultra thin cuz I need to twerk. I am now inviting black people into my videos when in my "Party in the USA" video I didn't even know who Jay-Z was and added him in my lyrics anyway. I still play with dolls and have a cutesy little girl side to me because I have been pretending to be a grown up for too long." In this video she grabs ass and tit,and says stupid shit like how it's her house so she can smoke, drink and fuck if she wants to. Bitch let me tell you something if you have to voice your independence so loudly you are not independent. Everyone smokes or drinks and fucks so what makes you so fucking special to shout that shit up, I don't want to hear about a weekend I could have! This girl is dumb and has way to much fucking time on her hands. As a girl who was venerated by young little girls everywhere for her Hannah Montana thing I can understand why she would want to transition away from that but let me say right now that there is  a way to do it. You can't go from little Disney princess to raunchy gagaesque wannabe slutbag. As an artist you define yourself by your beginnings not by the transition. No matter how much she tries to hide her image of the squeaky clean Disney darling she is just making it worse because she draws comparisons it's just too many volatile extremes and not only that but she is totally disregarding anything her parents have taught her. Demi Lovato has transitioned beautifully as well as Selena Gomez (I can't stand either one of them but they deserve brownie points for not commiting the crime miley has) Mily Cyrus, get your shit together and find real shit, don't just make your life about dumb shit smoking, drinking and having sex is only good for awhile find something substantial to sing about if not get the fuck out. ANd stop buying shit from American Apparel.

Mathematics:

I really just fucking hate Math

I'm running our of things to bitch about and I'm hungry so Barbie better feed me.. by that I mean she better take me to Taco Bell, whatever happened to that annoying little chihuhaua that used to say "Yo Quiero Tacoo Belll" Like an East LA cholo?



i officially am upset with Barbie's professor, Professor Santa Claus is going down he just gives way to much homework, oh look at that I found something to bitch about! Well at the commencemnet of the semester we figured that our professors were pretty much dopplegangers for two very beloved characters Santa Claus and Bilbo. Although Santa is actually quite nice Bilbo is much sweeter in his effort to give us less homework and even though he demotes my ass every class meeting, daring me to fail his class even at my 82% I still like the old bastard so here are pictures of what we have to deal with everyday:

 

 

OMG WE'RE FINALLY LEAVING....END OF RANT ... TO TACO BELL WE GO, TO TACO BELL WE GO HIGH HO THE MERRY HO *points at Barbie* TO TACO BELL WE GO=]



Get in my city!!!

Ok i've already talked about how I love previews. I forgot to add the new Great Gatsby movie

 I loved the GReat Gatsby and when I heard the music from the trailer, and I heard that Leonardo was the lead , I was sold. Leo is my #1 crush, before there was Orlando Bloom and Pitbull there was Leonardo.

then is Man of Steel, I don't actually like Superman (much more of a Batman fan) but I love me some Henry Cavill! I'm excited for this especially since i saw the trailer a year ago i was like this can't be real. DC trying to catch up with marvel ???

Then there are the blockbusters i love me some Jennifer Lawerence

love me some animation and hello The Hobbit.

Evie's Knight

Evie's Knight 



The plot is about Evie a smart, intelligent girl whith mommy and abandonment issues who falls for the hottest guy Calvin Knight. So teen i know. He is cursed and doesn't know it although he suspects. They develop a very unhealthy relationship in which they rely heavily on each other. Things get really complicated when the reaven haired ghost that cursed them comes back for Evie and for revenge.

Bitch Please!

The book is so junior high but the languag is nice, this is probably the saving grace. The author can write just not make cohesive plots or maybe i'm just too old for this book. The ideas are almost unfinsihed and you could tell she didn't bother to research anything. She wanted to creat this world, have it be enitrely her own, but the truth is that every original idea is based on an imprinted idea imbedded somewhere in your subconcious. That being said I can't say i didn't enjoy the book because I did and i'm going to wait for this author to wrtie Erotica, because that could be a best-seller series. I read it because I got it for free, if thats the way your going to read it fine, but if your going to pay, check it out at the library.

The Golden Globes

The time has come everyone for my favorite time of year the start of red carpet season. Well on sunday the Golden Gloes took over y hometown as the commencement of the parade of the rich and famous to exploit thier general amzing-ness. Even my homegirl from overseas flew in for the festivities. Adele who by the way kicked ass by beating everyone for her original song for a motion picture "Skyfall". Everyone knew she was going to win, there really was no competition. Not even the American sweetheart Tayor Swift who was pissed and surprised she didn't win but honestly if you lose to Adele you should not be surprised or pissed only admire her and her greatness. You have lost to one of the best voices on this earth, no one can win her! Anyway this night was all about tv and films. The awards went out to two of my favorites: Jennifer Laurence for best supporting actress in a drama and Anne Hathaway for best supporting actress in a musical. Honestly there was no competition! Both had two equally amazing pictures. Anne had The Dark Knight Rises, and Les Miserables. Jennifer had The Silver Linings Playbook and The Hunger Games! I am very proud to say i saw three of those films in theatre, there really was no one who could beat out these two extraordinarily talented actress who are humble and elegant no matter where they go! I love them both! Also Jodie Foster blew my mind, she rarely ever says anything and when she did boy oh boy I was not prepared for that. You go Foster!
However we all know I am nice when discussing work but this, this a matter of FASHION.
Now let me tell you, let me give you the skinny on who wore what and who were the biggest surprises and who sucked ass!

I shall start as usual with the best dressed!

Jennifer Lopez

Wow! This woman must bathe in baby blood or something, she is so stunning, every year she gets better looking, to think this woman has been in the spotlight for almost two decades. Now this Zuhair Marad (i'm sure i'm spelling this wrong but too lazy to look) is gorgeous on her, it looks like gorgeous decals painted onto her skin and you can;t tell where the dress begins or ends. I love this dress, the tayloring of the is PERFECTION you can't tell the difference between her skin and the dress!

Taylor Swift

Ok so I think Taylor Swift is so freaking annoying with her teenage candy bubblegum attitude and look that i can't freaking take it. However I am liking this risk taking fashion forward dark Taylor, she is literally grown, who knew she had this gorgeous body. I mean her hips are wider forming her hourglass figure, her boobs are  bigger and her hair is slicked back and her makeup is natural. I love this look on her, its such a simple dress but what it reveals is nothing compared to what it hides. the little snippet of side boob held by such thin straps is very seductive and not like the Taylor Swift America has come to love. I love this dark color and i know that this dress would have looked equally gorgeous on ceartin other girls but the fact that she could wear this and pull it off is a thumbs up. She is doing what Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez and countless others couldn't do, that is grow up in style with age maturity in check. 

Michelle Dockery

I can honestly say I have no judgement upon this girl, for i have no idea who she is or what she was nominated for. But I can say I am in love with this dress, I love the Gold thing going up on the top and the white flowing down is just gorgeous when I saw this on the Red Carpet I loved it and had to look who she was online! My quips about  this dress are i wish it had a slit because i feel like she is turning into gold and her hair would have been better slicked into a bun.

And now ladies and gentlemen the worst of the worst, la creme de la stinky creme.  And there were a lot this year Eva Longoria, Tina Fey, Naomi Watts, Amanda Seyfried and a couple more but this bitches listed down here are so bad, so bad because they used to be best dressed nominees, people who usually havestyle and yet they belittle themselves in bad flower prints and just ughh gross crap!

Halle Berry 

Halle! Halle! This dress is so unforgivable, its so bad the early 2000's rejected it so why would you wear this? The problems with this dress are the squished in left boob, the absence of material on the left side, where they forgot to sew the dress together! The leg oh God the leg, it is just to much of an Angelina thing to do! Its just too much going on and then the huge hoops and ... God this was just to gross for words, we all know she can and will do better! Redeem yourself! 

Lucy Liu

Omg I named her a best nominee not to long ago with her beautiful metallic dress and she repays me with a Julianna Margolis disaster! Hollywood please listen to me! Flower prints are so gross on evening gowns. There is nothing beautiful about it! This looks like my grandmothers drapes made into a corset ballgown! I hate this so much! Lucy can't wear this dress she is too kick ass and not even zooey the queen of crazy cute can wear this and make it cute! In part the dress is to blame for the hideous and the other half is hers for not knowing how to style this correctly. fucking wrong!

Sienna Miller

Is this gross or is this gross? honestly I feel bad for Sienna Miller she wore a two piece and she could't rock it, in fact Anne Hathaway wore the same kind of ensemble but it was less gross, why? Because there was no flower print involved and furthermore this didn't flow with her body. It was just not the business! But I cannot   bag on a new mother. 

With that said congrats to the winners and see you all back in two weeks time, the SAGS!=]

2013 movie preview

So, my favorite part of going to the movie theatres is actually the previews, there is never a part of me that says hurry up, get to the movie already. In the previews I usually just get more excited. That being said, and the last posts being read, you all know that I've spent time in a theatre and I have to say I am so excited for some of the movies coming out. There are a couple that i'm waiting for like The Hunger Games 2: Catching Fire, Frozen, Percy Jackson 2, Despicable Me 2 ( I realize that after listing 4 teen/childrens movies, I must seem like a teenager but I swear I'm 22, on second hand i realize that makes me look worse but i have a weakness for series and animated films. Pixar anyone?) The Hobbit 2, World War Z and a couple of others but I think I shall take it in stride and inform all of you of what I shall watch this coming year.

 

 

Warm Bodies

 

This movie had the cutest/creepiest teaser trailer. I fell in love with the story and I'm anticipating this. The idea of a love struck zombie, genius. Zombies are the new hottest thing in Hollyhood, (world war z, the walking dead and cult classics shaun of the dead and 28 days later) which is slightly disturbing to know that we have love for things that will definitely eat our brains. 

 

 

Finally Sandy B is back and shes in a comedy!!! love it! Melissa McCarthy I'm unsure about because i havent seen her in anything but when I saw this trailer loved everything about it. I love Sandy B and think she is always getting snubbed by the critics when they shouldn't, who didn't love the proposal? Her role of ocd, stick to the rules, fbi agent is right up her alley and the messiness that McCarthy will bring to it will no doubt make it hilarious, the female middle age 21 jumpstreet???

 



 

Been looking fwd to this since august. Movie 43 is a whole bunch of raunchy comedyshorts and I'm not sure if it's intertwined but let me tell you. I was watching the trailer and I couln't handle it I laughed so hard and I thought to meself, must watch this, start the year off with a hardy-har-har! The cast for this movie is pretty extensive so chances are one or two of your fave actors/actress are also in the movie. This is going to be scary movie, american pie, every funny movie ever made rolled into and deliverd on a bra.