Charlie/Ralfie...

Yesterday one of my biffles called me to tell me her sisters life long best friend died. I had briefly met him when we had all gone to Disneyland together about two to three years back. Actually he was the one that got us the tickets. Well anyway he took me along and sooner rather than later, i felt at home sitting in a car with practically total strangers. I only knew my biffle and her sister and even then i barely knew her. Charlie made me feel right at home and he was so nice. i was sad when they dropped me off, because i knew i wouldn't see him, unless they *my biffles family* had a huge party  or other social event. I didn't even facebook him which sounds ridics but maybe i should have i don't know. About a month ago my friend told me that he wasn't doing so good and that he was on his deathbed. i can't explain it to you but it made me super sad i almost wanted to cry. yesterday she called me crying and said he was dead. again i wanted to cry and this time i did. I shed a few tears and then i pondered why did this make me sad. I didn't even cry when my uncle died in January  however i figured it out quick. Last august was  my little godbrother Ralf's 1st anniversary of death. i had spent weeks in the families home preparing for the event and when i was finally at home i was a mess. i wanted to be home, i wanted to cry all the time and i swear death was all around me. It was the aftereffects of the week. i wish i had cried more, i think i would have felt the impact less. So as i was messaging back and forth with my friends sister she said "You have no idea what it feels like to lose your friend" i didn't say so but the truth is i do. Ralfie was my friend, my brother, my cousin. he was like family to me. And when he died i didn't know how to react so i kept busy and i would cry in public places when i would see a funny picture and think i should text it to him and then remembered i would get no reply. i would cry whenever "Someone like you" by Adele played (and sadly it played a lot) because that's the song i fell asleep to it the night he died, crying and feeling abandoned. It was hard, and im sure it would have been harder if he had died in a painful way, but i thank god he was merciful and took him at his greatest hour. i didn't want to write the day of his anniversary because i thought i could avoid  it. i couldn't because here i am almost exactly 2 months later and writing about him. i miss him today more than i did yesterday. Everyday i grow more at peace with the idea of him being gone but it doesnt mean that he isnt gone. it means i miss him more as time goes by. i did  however fix the whole crying in public places thing. i don't cry when i see his face or when i speak of him. i still light a candle for him every 13th of the month and i still keep him in my prayers. i don't think that'll ever change. So today when someone i care about lost thier best friend, i know it sounds selfish, but i remembered the day i found out ralfie was dead. It just hurt and it felt kind of when you pick a scab. But scabs heel and your skin grows a little tougher and im hoping thats whats gonna happen. so rest in peace Charlie you were an excellent human being and i know your in a better place. Ralfie, what else can i say to i havent already? I miss you , i know your up there watching down on me and everyone you care about. i love you giraffa petacon... tu pinguina malhecha=]