Man Up!

Man Up! by Ross Matthews:

Firstly let me introduce the author of this book, who doesn’t know it but is my gay soulmate, Ross Matthews. Maybe some of you know him from his work at Jay Leno as the uber cool correspondent or as a regular round table guest on Chelsea Lately. Sometimes he’ll actually host the show too! Or you might know him as the better half of the radio show “he said/ he said” Josh and Ross! Which by the way is super funny. You might read his blog “Hello Ross” or then again you might have read his book “Man up!” . I am guilty of being a fan since I saw him on Chelsea  about 5 years ago. He popped out on the round table and him and his little lady voice made my head spin. If you are not acquainted the photo will maybe help. I was anticipating his book for a really long time. And I was so not disappointed. I rarely read something that isn’t fiction unless it’s a biography. My favorite type of biography is a funny one. I’ve read all of the Chelsea Handler ones (My Horizontal Life, Hello Vodka are you there? It’s me Chelsea., Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang, and the latest Lies that Chelsea Handler told me.) I’ve also read the bore fest “you’ll never blue ball in this town again” by Heather McDonald and the  quite depressing (good but super sad) “Life as I blow it” by Sarah Colonna. What Ross has that these two ladies don’t is honestly his gayness.

Bitch Please:

I was amazed that while reading this book I could imagine him reading it to me in his angelic lady like voice. And him pointing certain things out with his index finger the way he does on the round table. Everything about this book was funny, his obsession with Gwenyth Paltrow and the entertainment industry (which I share as well) his love of girls toys when he was a little boy, his run ins with homophobia, his love of tiny dogs and of course his brushes with fame. Now I cannot deny that he is my favorite Red Carpet correspondent and I so wish that one day he would interview me, (I need to hurry up and write a book, star in a movie or record a solo album). The book made me laugh a lot. It also made me think that my dreams can come true. He is leading my path to becoming… whatever it is I decide I want to become. I know at my age I should have that figured out already. I highly recommend everyone read this book as a pick me up or something to lighten the heavy load of literature. 

The Memory Keepers Daughter

The Memory Keepers Daughter by Kim Edwards :

 

 

 

This one comes with a story. About three weeks ago Salinger and I were on our way back from shopping in weho. On a previous trip I had noticed a library by Pan Pacific Park, for you Angelenos ya’ know what I'm talking about. I was obsessed with the universal movie marathon my sister and I had been watching and here was a chance to rummage through the possible hidden gems of this library. We parked and entered a book sale. To me that’s like saying to a heroin addict, “Free Heroin”. My little heart started racing and my fingers started fluttering, oh the joy of a book sale! I quickly loaded my self with books and settled with six, here they are listed in order of remembrance ; Mirror Mirror, The Swan Theives, The Tale of the Body Thief, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Memory Keepers Daughter and Snow Flower and the Secret Fan.” I had already read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and The Tale of the Body Thief so I don’t have to read those. As for the rest well I have already read two!  Out of the four anyway and considering I got them the same week as I got Affliction and In Cold Blood, well let me just say that its pretty impressive.

So that’s how I cam to have this book in my hands. I had heard about it from different sources, the library catalog had this on recommendation and so did some of the other literary websites I have visited. When I read the back I knew immediately I wanted to read it, it was compelling and even though I decided to read the Lisa See book first I kept drifting to the other. Finally after I finished “Snow Flower and the Secret Fan” “In cold blood” and “Affliction” I finally read ‘The Memory Keepers Daughter’. The story starts on a winter’s day in 1964 in which Dr. David Henry delievers his own twins. The boy is healthy and essentially perfect while the surprise child shows the symptoms of having Down Syndromes disease. So he does something so fucked up, he gives his baby daughter to his nurse Caroline Gill and tells her to give her away to an institution. As the years go by Dr. Henry’s wife Norah is slowly growing away from her husband, inwardly pushing him away for not loving or acknowledging the existence of their lost daughter. Paul his son who loves his father also begins to grow away from his father angry and rejected, because he can not rise to his father’s expectations. Meanwhile Caroline keeps the baby runs away and raises the child as her own. Understanding that she will have to fight hard and fight many battles for her daughter to be seen as worthy to attend school and live a semi normal life. Dr. Henry receives a camera from his wife called a “Memory Keeper” and he becomes obsessed with his camera and the parallel universe between nature and the human body. The family that should be perfect, they have everything, money, success, they travel and have many luxuries others do not and still they are miserable. The secret of their Daughter weighing heavily upon David’s shoulders and his guilt takes his toll.

Bitch Please:

I really liked this book and that’s saying something because I could not stand for one minute the name of the Dr’s wife. Norah! God almighty is there a name for a woman so annoying. Norah is so stupid! And it sounds awful when u say it like ‘nugh’ just gross. But I guess it suits the character who is as shit brained as her name suggest. Possibly the #1 annoying character in the book I cant stand her. She is the perfect Susie Homemaker who just could never get over losing her baby girl, which I kind of understand, I mean she lost a child but fuck she just drags that shit for twenty years! I mean the first five were fine but the other 15 were like a lot. I know he should have told her the truth but then we wouldn’t have a story now would we. Paul is a little douchebag like his mother who can’t appreciate shit and even though David made a mistake he always tried to shoulder the brunt of the mistakes and he bore it in stride. I read this book in a day, the language is beautiful and the story is very moving. My one complaint is that their isn’t enough of Phoebe and Caroline Gill and way to much of Norah Henry (that soul sucking slut bag of a bitch). I would recommend this to everyone. The very idea behind David’s photography collection is one I wish was actually real.

 

 

In Cold Blood

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote:

This  was the only non-fiction/ non-biographical book I think I have ever read. I just don’t like non-fiction, it makes me slow and I get bored almost immediately. However for some reason, (actually in all honesty it’s probably because I had just seen Sinister and the main character is like a modern Capote except family oriented.)I wanted to read this book. I had actually loved his ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ and his obsession with my girl Marilyn Monroe made me want to read anything of his further. This in mind I went to the library and checked it out, it took me about a week to finish this book, it being only 367 pages I should have finished it a lot sooner. But like I said, non-fiction makes me slow. It was written with a fiction like story, reconstructing the lives and the last days of the Clutters and the trip the killers Hickcock and Smith planned and excuted but by the 290 mark it was all newspaper articles and quotation marks and I was done with it but sheer will forced me to finish it. The story revolves around the murder of four members of the Clutter who were killed, in you guessed it, Cold Blood. The reason for the murder was never known and if it hadn’t been for one cell mate a Mr. Floyd Wells then no one would have ever made the connection. I don’t know if it was the longevity of it or the fact that it all took place in a sleepy agricultural town like Kansas (yawn) that made it so boring. I mean the killers were dumb and unorganized and had really annoying self esteem issues. The only thing I felt was just sorry for the Clutters who were nice outstanding people and didn’t deserve any of that shit.

Bitch Please:

The book actually wasn’t all that bad and im sure I would have liked it better if the killers had been more sinister. However that being said I don’t think id ever read this if I had known how slow it would be or how tedious and boring it would end up. Don’t read this unless you have to, I mean watch the movie, watch Sinister. Its just not worth the effort, it’s long and you can already guess how it ends.

Affliction

Affliction by Laruell K. Hamilton

 This is the twenty something book in the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series. Ok here’s the thing I honestly love this series. I love how bad ass anita is and even though through the years she has waned a lot in her convictions since book six but I still like her loads. I love her supporting characters her myriad of lovers especially Jean-Claude and Nathaniel. I don’t always love the writing. I don’t always love the defensive stance Anita always takes whenever she goes to the cop station in whatever state Vampire politics or Zombie armies take her. I hate that she always makes it several chapters of “I’m still the scariest bitch in town and even though you think your tough because you’re a man, you’ll never be the biggest BITCH and im the all powerful necromancer. Sex goddess.” If she gave this speech maybe Hamilton could shorten the chapters. That being said, I have toiled through these books since I laid eyes on the twelfth book ‘Cerulean Sins’ and then started from book one and never looked back. Now you may ask whats been the downfall of the series and believe it or not its : SEX. The series started with everyone else having sex but Anita. Then she started having sex somewhere in book four but it still wasn’t that bad because she (Hamilton) was a newbie and therefore apprehensive on the subject of sex in her novels, however as Anita’s appetite grew so did Hamilton’s. In book six she finally gave in to Jean Claude’s advances. After six long fucking years they have sex. I wish that was the end of it almost immediately she is having sex with a whole bunch of people, Richard and .. ok honestly Ive forgotten most of them let me think about this: Jason (werewolf) Micah, Nathaniel (wereleopards) Nicky(werelion), Damien (vampire), Asher, Requiem, Wicked, Truth, (vampires) there was Cookie Monster (but she killed him) oh and Mephistophiles although I have forgotten what he is already. Honestly you know that’s quite a full bed and she has been collecting lovers for quite sometime but this is why sex makes a series a downfall. As an avid reader I start forgetting names and sex details because they happen as often as every other chapter eliminating and robbing time from what I am really after, VIOLENCE! After all I came to love the bad ass chick who wasn’t all powerful and who battled monsters at her human pace and still won. This chick with her powers coming from her vagina and killing monsters left to right easily is not my cup of tea. This is why after book fifteen ‘The Harlequin’ I was less enthused to keep going but I did, year after year I checked out the new books from the library and year after year I kept getting disappointed. The last two books Flirt and Bullet were pathetic attempts to keep the franchise going. Then she goes off and kills her number #1 nemesis. Call me crazy but that’s highly anti-climactic. Now who the fuck is she gonna beat up on? So excuse me for sounding all jaded when ‘Affliction’ plopped into my lap and I was skeptical about the quality of it. However I was happily appeased. The book was not terrible and not full of sex, in fact this one was downright romantic, a little to romantic for my tastes but nice change of pace. I’m sad that it took her too fucking long to fix the fuck out of the necromancer,  I mean Hamilton killed seven people while she figured out when the timing was right for Anita to kill the Marmee Noir human vessel (think Harry Potter as a horcrux). I mean I figured right as soon as she said rampaging zombies the thing to do was for Anita to raise an Army of the undead. Nothing about it was special except that it was a throwback to old Anita and I take it as a sign she is going to start writing more violence and less sex. My advice? Read it if you’ve read more than half the series, don’t bother if your still on book ten and under.. read until book ‘Incubus Dreams’ and send in your cease and desist letters.

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See

Last week onan outing with Barbie we stopped by the library Andy they had a book sale. I went crazy and bought six books all of which I plan to read (well for the other two we're "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" and  " The Tale of the Body thief" both have been read and one already thoroughly reviewed) so this is was the first one that caught my attention while I was looking through the pile because I had seen seen the movie at the library, I was curious about it but hadn't really wanted to check it out thinking that it would try to be like "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon", a movie that I love and own and cannot see destroyed! I finished the book in a day. It's a fast read  and it kind of wills you to keep reading. In many ways it reminded me of "Memoirs of a Geisha" by Arthur Holden. The theme of the main character being uncommonly beautiful and poor, the pain of becoming an adult the weird foot wear (although the Chinese take the cake foot binding is fucking horrific ok) and the misunderstandings  that lead to major problems. However See' s novel also talks about the disturbingly true nature of the Chinese and their loath of women. 

BITCH PLEASE!

Overall engrossing I do wish that Snow Flower had been more seen through eyes that were not the main characters as she can only ever see her with pity and furthermore I wish that the author would not have confused me. In the beginning of the book when Snow Flower, Beautiful Moon and Lily are talking about their future spouses the narrator says that in truth she hadn't realized until after her marriage how close Beautiful Moon would live and how often they would get to see each other. Then she goes ahead and kills her. I was passed because I liked Beautiful Moon. However I did enjoy the book and I'm going to check out the movie and hobbits just as good.  

Shit my dad says

Shit my dad says by Justin Halpern.

After reading Kavalier and Clay ,I definitely needed from serious an  long books so I choose something that was funny. I had been thinking of reading this book since it came out but it takes me forever to get around to anything that doesn't immediate attract my full attention. So I gave this a shot and was very happy I did.

Birch please!

The book revolves around Halpern who moves back in with his parents after getting dumped by his girlfriend. The dad is the main character of the book as Halpern goes back into his childhood and recounts his father's wisdom. The book is filled with three of my favorite types if humor, bathroom, raunchy and profane. He usually has a cuss word, an allusion to poop and then a little anger thrown in. In reality it reminded me of a way less tame version of my own father. I think this book was amazing because Halpern is brilliant by cashing in on the ridiculousness of his father (something something I should look into) and still remaining in close contact with his father father who despite sounding crass loves his and is quite affectionate with him. I have a feeling this man has some Salvadoran blood. He fits perfectly in our culture. 

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay

The amazing adventures of Kavalier and Clay: by Michael Chabon

this book has been sitting on my book shelf for a really long time. I was told that I would like this book.the verdict is I sort of did but did I find something to birch about, of course. The book is about two cousins Josef Kavalier and Sammy Clayman. Josef is the light of hope for his parents who are about to be sent into a concentration camp. However things go awry when the immigration offices revoke his passage to America. So he seeks help from his old magic teacher and takes a ride with the Jewish Golem. He travels with it all the way to Lithuania where he birch takes a ride to Japan and from there to San Francisco and to New York. There he and Sammy quite quickly come up with a plan to make themselves rich. They are going to make themselves rich on the golden age of comic books.they create the escapist a superhero that beats Nazi's and who represents the angst in his creator then we go into learn about Twitter lives and meet j just about the only real female character in the book Rosa Saks. Then there's slot of more in the war but mostly in Antarctica

Bitch please: 

The book was clearly not Kavalier and Clay but more aptly titled Kavalier and sometimes Clay.I felt bad for Sammy he spends most of the book in the shadows and horrible things happen to him and yet unlike Joe he has no one to talk to about it. The only good thing in Sammy' s life is Tracy Bacon. Even then he can't really appreciate it either.when Joe leaves him and he takes care of the ones Joe has left behind, he can't even enjoy. Joe is an asshole, I mean he just runs away from his anger and he just poses me of because he can't appreciate the love and burgeoning family that Sammy so craves. His heart is still in Prague, with his family. But he doesn't allow himself the chance to be completely happy, or to be miserable on his own. I guess maybe that's what brought me down about the book how Joe is unwilling to help himself be happy. That and how long the book was. I mean I get it the author is cramming details about the life and journey of two comic book genius in their rise and fall. But 640 pages is a lot to get through. My favorite parts of the book are the introduction to the escapist and Luna moth. The little stories totally enthralled me. The verdict, read it if you like comic books or like to read about Jewish heroes. It's long it's a little dry and there are days when you start drifting during the reading, nonetheless it's got a feel good.

 Luna moth